I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
