Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
they need to just BURY HIM!
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
