I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
