Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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