if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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