I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
