Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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