I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
