brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
