he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
