im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
