I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
