I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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