Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
