Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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