I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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