can u get pink eye on your cock?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize