every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
whose parrot is this?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
A+ Viking dick
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
