Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
