My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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