Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
