I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
