You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
