2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
