May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
she woke up with a sticky ear
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
