Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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