He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
