I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
