Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Welp...herpes.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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