i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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