glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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