barbara walters just said penis...
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
