woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
