Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
