Midget sex pt 2 tonight
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
