i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Let's get the cat blown out
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
