After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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