I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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