Where are you?
In a non slutty way
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
