dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
