After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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