its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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