I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
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No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
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Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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