fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
