That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
