dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
