I think I won the penis lottery.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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