Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
