What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
