his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
