I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
