How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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