so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
