Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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