called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
