I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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