Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
