he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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