this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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