Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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