VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
