it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
