So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
