Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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