I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
