i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
