Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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