My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
