Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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