ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
