I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
