you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
pray to the hookup gods
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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