I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
