i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
