lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
