Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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