soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
