no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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