I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
