You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
