youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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