sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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