She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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