I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
