It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
All the doctor said was why
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
